October 22, 2015
“Back to the Future” Day Week continues with an essay about the one thing we were all looking forward to having in 2015, but never got, thanks to ambitious predictions matched with poor sensibilities that led to our shattered hopes and unshattered bones.
Marty McFly was an expert skateboarder in his day. He could “skitch” (skate-hitch) like the best of them. But the one thing that kept him grounded in 1985 was the set of wheels under his board. By the time he got to 2015, he was stuck with these crazy pink magnetic boards that hovered off the ground. They still rode the same, at least for him, but they posed new thrills and dangers for him.
Robert Zemeckis, the director of Back to the Future, says in an old video that hoverboards “have been around for years, but…” and then talks about parent groups, toy companies, and stuff you can hear about in the Honest Trailer for Back to the Future, which was just released yesterday. Apparently, they haven’t “been around for years,” and perhaps haven’t actually been around at all, but it might be interesting to speculate what the world could be like if we did have hoverboards. So, here are the pros and cons of moving around on your own hoverboard.
- You can be cooler than those losers who ride around on “wheels.”
- Hoverboards are flatter, and thus easier to stuff in a locker or backpack than a traditional skateboard.
- They still function well as a food tray.
- If you need to repel a magnet, just aim your hoverboard’s underside at it.
- Futuristic designs look more relevant on a hoverboard than a traditional skateboard.
- You can “skitch” easier on the back of flying car.*
- You can hop curbs a bit easier.
- A lack of friction equals more spectacular wipeouts (technically a pro for “Epic Fail” videos on Youtube).
- Hoverboards use magnets in place of wheels and probably don’t work on most surfaces.
- They’re made of thicker plastic, and are less reliable for using as a crowbar than the skinnier skateboards of the 1980s.
- If you run into a wall, they can break free from your feet and never return (see “friction” con).
- It’s still impossible to take a date out on a hoverboard.
- Your dog will probably prove to be a better skater than you if you put him on and send him off.
- Having a hoverboard means we can no longer say, “It’s 2015! Where’s my hoverboard?” which is just as important to pop culture as the hoverboard itself.
And there you have it. Can you think of any pros and cons to having your own hoverboard? If so, list them in the comments. Would be fun to develop an epic list for something we may never get.
Come back tomorrow. We’ll be discussing mullets.
*We still need flying cars.